I think they’re trying? Missing the mark.
A friend had been inviting me “to Gilead” for a long while, which was confusing, but I eventually determined they were not doing weekly cosplay for some kind of Handmaid’s adventure in a near-future, totalitarian patriarchal theocracy, but instead attending some other kind of “church.”
They shot me a text every few months to see if I wanted to join and literally every time it was at a different location. I’m surprised people could keep track of where to show up. Like, that must have taken an absurd amount of email and social media communication.
But, I finally took them up on it. And this place is a trip.
Are they trying too hard to be cool? Or are they not trying to be cool at all? Is that why things are so random? I’m not even that much of a church-y person, but there are some baseline expectations to be met to be church, no?
Someone got up front and mentioned they were looking forward to “shark week church,” then proceeded to share a very meaningful story about a spiritual transformation they experienced.
What?? Are we having fun or are we doing church? This is weird.
The opening song we sang included the lyrics “hot like Mexico, rejoice,” “just smoke my cigarette and hush,” and “I'm not your babe, Fernando.” HOW is this related to anything about church.
There was an announcement about scheduling your photo shoot if you wanted to participate—great, church directories, very helpful, right? UM, turns out this was for a church pin up calendar? I don’t know. I was too nervous to ask.
And, get this, ALL their communion bread is gluten-free. All of it. ...You know, on second thought, that bread was actually really good. Like, REALLY good. So tbh I would recommend their bread.
But the last straw came recently. I saw they were having an Advent wreath sale, which, finally, something traditional. I can support that. But when it was delivered, it wasn’t a wreath at all! It was beer. False advertising.
I guess if you’re into creative interpretations, go for it. But prepare to be surprised.
2 out of 5 stars. (Was gonna be one, but that bread WAS good.)
FAQ
Q: Is this review real
A: Define “real.” It was written for a real Gilead service by a real Gileadite to simultaneously poke fun of and say what’s great about Gilead.
Q: But why?
A: It’s our annual pledge campaign, asking people who love this place to commit to what (they think) they can give in 2021!
Q: What do you hope will happen?
A: We hope people will give to support new, creative, inclusive church by filling out this online pledge card.
Q: How’s it going?
A: Oh, not that great. We’ve heard from lots of people, including first time givers, which is amazing, but we’re running way under the goal of $47,000.
Q: How can I help?
A: Let us know what you can give, whether it’s $15/mo or $50/wk or one big ol’ lump sum. ANY amount that matters to you, matters to us!